Book an appointment with a therapist, maybe meet up with the one friend who called you, and after a couple of days reassess whether or not you want to try to make things work. Seriously I have a whole lot of respect for you for how you reacted. Again this is a guess. she also choose to make fun of you to her friends instead of standing up for you. Between stimulus and response, there is a space. I have also been outed in a similar way. If she cant trust herself to keep her mouth shut around her friends when drunk, then she shouldnt drink around her friends. I had no privacy. Dont just accept her apology and move on. Best to you. How disgusting can she be? Divorce is an option if you cant get past this but it deserves an effort. Its not an easy solution. Sending you my best OP. Seriously? I mean, youre not wrong petty king/queen. ( like nothing wrong with it but the fact ur so scretive about it speaks volumes, SHAME is an individual thing. Taking a sensitive topic like sexuality and using yours in a way to demean you just so she can get a chuckle from her friends is unacceptable. I mean, what you probably should have done was just walk quietly back to the garage and talk about it in private with your wife later- like an adult. Once you have accepted what you can't change, then you can move forward, either using gratitude or optimism to recover & reframe the situation. Personally, I would consider this along the same lines of cheating in my relationship, because it's a complete breach of trust and security you're supposed to have with your partner. I don't think this information should have been said. I believe you'll deal with this and adapt. Its just another role, like being the dutiful daughter or the waste of space ex or the everyone loves me co-worker. You can't act if you don't know how you feel. If she had doubled down and defended herself and her friends, then that would be a break up situation imo. Especially when there is alcohol involved. German Young Boy Seduce Big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20. Do good anyway. Im bi and from a close knit, homophobic religious family. She may actually not understand your bisexuality because its been something she said shes fine with but never actually confronted. HER?! I only started being a little open about it when I moved 3 states away from them and was dating a supportive partner. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. Those so called friends are not real friends. Best thing to do is give it some time. Especially the two narrow minded ones, All these comments already have good points, I just wanna add that you should definitely take your time. Dude, I am so sorry. Sounds like shes really sorry. Id almost go with divorce but with the kids, I sincerely hope counseling is able to help. Never stay with someone because of the kids and don't ban alcohol from your spouse this is terrible advice. she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you. You might want to discuss that during counselling, or maybe with a therapist. I'd be worried what she would do if one or both of their kids are bi or gay. Im in a similar, but much weirder, relationship (Im actually gay and married to a straight woman, we have an open marriage for our sex life, and a great family home life). I would keep notes about what's promised and then see what she manages to do about it going forward (should you decide to stay with her). Beer runs out so I head inside to grab more. Throwaway cause I know one of her friends is an avid reddit user and knows my main account. Fourth, (and this is a guess) given that your wife has some judgemental friends, she is probably just talking some crap that she does not necessarily mean. She does have a right to talk to you about it, and you with her. Does it not show a serious weakness in character that she bull shitted like that? Same. If you need more time to yourself, take it. From one bi to another, I'm sorry you had to go through this, it's a bisexual's nightmare scenario to hear your long-term partner say this kind of shit. That should have been end of story then and there. The moment your sexuality became some kind of giggle fodder was when it really crossed the line. At a minimum she should have come clean about the bachelorette party thing the moment it happened. Ugh. I think it wouldve been different if maybe she had some concerns and needed someone to confide in about it, but she shouldve never allowed them to speak about you that way. I'm wondering if your lack of fighting in your communication may be related to her not being open and honest with you as you are with her. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. Acknowledge what you are going through sucks, don't judge it, & tell yourself the following: this is temporary. It sounds more like it's a matter of comfort and trust. I don't know what I'd do. I can't stress enough how important it was that you didn't let this fester and at the same time you removed yourself from the situation to give yourself time to sort out your feelings. How you deal with this will depend on how you two communicate about it. No. Stay strong man I can only hope you can move on from this with your confidence restored. But we hung on. 2. The best part was, after a couple of months, everything was solved, tadalafile was no longer necessary, I find out she had a hookup during that period. As a female this reads as if it wasn't the first time it's been brought up and her friends knew it was safe to mention and joke about it. These ones sound terrible. Make sure she knows how traumatic that was for you. You should seek marriage counseling after this. I was going to say something identical. She brought her marriage outside where it shouldn't belong. But please know this, todays generation can say theyre in the exact same boat as you and face no issues from same aged folks. How much more reassurance do you need? The second is more complicated: She does see bisexuality as "unmasculine" or an emasculating trait, however, you cant actively deny her feelings on the subject; theyre just her opinion on it. You are who you are, it's a done deal. Seems like part of the issue here is how ashamed you are of your own sexuality. And be prepared to put the fear of God, who loves bi and gay and straight people, and in Whose name marriage vows are made, into this Tom-person. If yes then walk and bear the burdens of the breakup, but if you think you together are worth saving, then do something to sort out the issues and move beyond it. But what usually happens when one partner doesnt respect the other is that it festers. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house I sniped as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. Would she still have the friends over knowing how they feel? I dont get down with revenge fucks, but if I thought she was super malicious Id be behind that comment. With women like you out there in the world, why the fuck would anyone settle for less? Only one thing to do in this situation. It takes a bigger person to take the high road, and most people are not. Don't go silent on her. Wow dude. If they outed me and mocked our sex life with their friends, I would never be able to be intimate with them again. The mmmhmmm's give that away. You both need to get in front of a good counselors and dig in. Please think about going to individual counseling as well as couples counseling! If that partner had outed me to anyone, I would have never been able to trust them again. Reading it, it definitely felt like she was saying stuff to fit in with judgy friends. That's something only he would and has already been judged for. Imagine all the other crap she does drunk, only to blame it on being drunk . Hes outed now. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, by filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. Also, the fact that she let her friends talk shit about him while she and OP are supposed to be in a happy marriage Damn, that says a lot. That power over you is now dissipated - especially if you do your best to be yourself and act normal. She violated a boundary. Don't fight. Dude, yeah. They are what they are and they are very real. She's painting an imaginary picture for these "friends" with absolutely no regard to the feelings of the person she's supposed to love & care for. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. I'm not saying she will, I don't know her and can't make that call. Your wife probably didn't want to admit in front of her friends that she likes that you're into butt stuff and initiates most of the time. She seems like a good egg caught in a bad moment however. She maybe deserves the benefit of the doubt. Any time it would come up I would think about those words. The third, least savoury issue: She may still have hidden feelings for Tom. Oh My God, seriously? First let me say your SO is the fucking worst in my humble opinion. I don't have anything else to say about it besides the fact that we're both happy with our sex life.". Be open with her. She was prepared to throw you under the bus and make you the butt of a joke just to impress her friends? But it sounds like maybe those are friends of hers she should reconsider her position with. Whenever theyre in bed together, the thought of her thinking of other man will show up in his head. You seem like you are happy in your relationship (prior to this obviously) and wanting to find a way to work through this and I feel like a lot of counseling is the only way it could possibly happen. If you two have a solid relationship, you should be able to work through this. For the record, any intelligent person knows that there is no straight/gay/bi sex acts. And what the fuck do you expect?? Highlight the fact that obviously the buck didn't stop with her friends as at least one of their husbands know. Seems like she might have played along a little too much to sound cool to her friends. Definitely think about whether or not this is a dealbreaker. My fears were confirmed she'd been talking to him for a good while. Couples therapy is a must, but it is on your wife to earn your trust back. Take a few days away from everything. All I know is I would never trust my wife ever again after something like this. Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! I would be so freaking upset & sad. I'm not sure how your marriage survives without professional help. I found out that Im extremely affects by stress, including fight at home. It just seems like shes ashamed of it an projecting. I told her she needed to answer everything I ask her honestly and she promised she would. Sounds like she cares more about what her friends think than how you feel. Im not at all saying you were wrong to stay and listen and your feelings are VALID. Can you explain this because its giving homophobia, It could damage his reputation. P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya. She criticized him and tried to get me to break up with him. She just let it slip. Most people will say bi/lesbian women are "ok" because it's "hot" (I've been told that), and will see bi/gay men as an atrocity just because it's men with other men. Your wife betrayed your trust by sharing private details about your sexual preferences with other people. Kidding aside. She NEVER told me this. Good luck! She shouldn't be hiding things from you or telling people your personal stuff. I told her to get a therapist to talk to about it but DO NOT TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT MY DICK essentially. If you are honest, people may cheat you. She might actually be into the stuff you guys do but is pressured by her friends to be a shitty person. Honestly, I don't know if I'd be able to get past never being able to trust her with personal stuff again. That's a major issue in my eyes at least. Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". For example, he keeps in touch with some of his exs and although it's his business he is always transparent with me because he know how I would feel if it was behind my back. Fourthly, buy that man a beer. I would divorce my husband if he let his friends make comments about my sexuality, and then proceeded to say he fantasized about other women during sex. As a queer person, I would never feel comfortable being with someone biphobic or who is okay being friends with people who are biphobic. also drunk talk often means honest thoughts of a person. I don't know where you should go from here. Also, she doesn't like your sex life. Best of luck with whatever you decide! Whats the point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you can't have ALL of trust, loyalty, and respect. Me: Oh, does (friend) work with Tom? I said this as sarcastically as possible. Im about to grab the beers and be on my way. Don't rush the feels phase. It's tough but I would stay just for the kids. he was more "passionate" etc. She violated your trust in one of the worst possible ways and there really isn't any way to walk it back, The thing that sucks the most is that now that there was a blowupthose judgmental friends who she told about your sexualitywill be running their mouths to all their other friends and coworkers and more and more people will be told something you never wanted shared. You two will need some couples counselling after this incident, and some of what you will do in the future will be decided by if you can overcome a natural feeling of anger and resentment that you feel. All you heard was a snippet of the conversation that you could loud and clear despite being in another room. She didn't have your back and she put friendship with assholes over her partner in life. Not one woman was shocked or uncomfortable, just derogatory. Your actions are your actions and the consequences are the consequences. Peter Bridgens, 72, from Birmingham, started his tattoo suit at the age of 36 and took him Your wife's unfortunate refusal to do the same speaks to her character too. That's what's really completely messed up - she's been joking with pals behind his back for a couple years and never told him she had slipped up. No matter how much she tells you she really enjoys it, there will now always be that voice in your head that tells you she really doesn't. How I interpret you feel: she betrayed your trust, she shared your private life, and then made fun of it. By bringing it up then and making your feelings the most important feelings in the room, you are being childish. At the end of the day, passion doesnt make a partner, love care (a bit of passion/good sex) and commitment do. This is divorce worthy. And if it was an accident, why did she give them details about what kinks you have? Or no, either way it was gross as fuck. Who actually believes these? My take: there may be some truth in her fabrications to her friends, which makes her even worse. All the sudden I didnt know my wife. Nowadays? There's a lot that isn't adding up about her explanation to you. Don't let her victimize herself or try and guilt trip you. But try couples counseling and go from there. If everything else is great, and she is genuinely remorseful, and willing to work on your relationship, I don't see why you should write off your life together. Unless they're all like that and she's just throwing a couple out for a meat shield, like she did with you. They are not good people (homophobes are not good people), and they don't give a shit about you or your relationship with her. It actually did make me feel a little better. My worst mistake was not breaking up right away. She's probably just as judgemental as them because people surround themselves with people like themselves. She insulted your sexual performance 5. It shouldnt be that way forever, and hopefully it isnt one day. I think you should try to work this out. And I've faced this with my family-- I shut that crap down with a quickness. If I was you I would demand you get into couples therapy, and make absolutely clear that the trust you had in her is gone and it is going to take time for that trust to be rebuilt. If its been a long time she maybe used to be that way but not anymore and still knows how to do the diggs they like. There's a wide gulf between those that think that's okay and the rest of us. Life is transient. They don't have her best interest at heart and they will just as quickly sow seeds of doubt to her evidently impressionable mind. She blamed drinking for outing you in the beginning and now shes blaming it again in this situation. This is a huge betrayal and should not be minimised by either of you. I do not get why some people think it is okay to shit talk or make fun of their significant other to their friends, and act two faced when their significant other is in the room. Her to like the same shit you go?? Be kind anyway. I probably wouldnt have. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. I can give you the exact number of people's secrets I have revealed while drunk Is fucking zero. I live in a fairly large Canadian metropolitan area, most guys I know and hang out with are even a little bi. Sorry you had to deal with this man, your wife sucks. Including mutual friends that were homophobic and a girl who hated my guts (and my ex totally knew about those things). Isn't this basically reverse sexism? As for your wifes friends, if they feel that strongly about your sexual preferences, then fuck em too! How I interpret she feels: she let slip in a drunken night that youre bi, she enjoys your sex life and when her friends made you the butt of the joke and were being judgmental about it, she felt ashamed, and in true weak fashion chose to join in vs stand up for you and herself. First, I am so sorry she made those statements for whatever the reason. You think youre slick enough to hide the resentment and anger but youre not. Agreed! You deserve that. We have 2 amazing kids. My mom wasnt even home, I had forgotten she was on vacation. Then the friend asked my wife if she had ever been tempted to cheat on me with (insert ex-boyfriend's name), to which my wife replied saying hell no, that she would never risk our marraige like that. First of all, you're right to cool down before making decision on anything. I dont know what to do. I suggest therapy for you for your feelings and how you want the relationship to proceed. At the very least there's some trust work that will need to be done to rebuild some things. I dunno, this feels like a day time drama and not a real story! I'm sorry you're going through this but your wife is such a shit person man. Outing you accidentally is one thing, but there are a load of major no-nos here. Don't leave mate just get a bit of counselling to talk through your feelings about this situation with her and get some grounding. This has big sad middle America vibes or something. She really messed this up, she's immature and worried about offending the wrong people. Your sexual relationship is basically the basis of trust in your relationship as a whole. This reeks of blatant disrespect, stupidity, ignorance, and bullshit. Your refusal to do so speaks to your character. Id rather show my support. How long has she been friends with them? Created by your wife. It's not infidelity but to me it sounds just as fucking bad. The guy was asking her if she'd told me about them being together in the past. Judging from what is written it seems that shes as much into it as he is, she needs to be real about that. Dude, she needs to recognize that her violation of your trust is incredibly bad. They'll only hear "he likes sex with men. Also, she could have been honest and told him what happened at the bachelor party, but instead she kept it a secret. Stand firm in that it wasn't okay to disclose private information that you didn't want to be made public. What she did was the lowest of the low and completely unacceptable. Let that sink in. If shes serious about your marriage shell reassess her friends group too. Based on the way she acts in private i would think you are right in your opinion. My parents stayed together for my sister and I and I honestly wish they would have split a long time ago. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. Lol see. Im scrolling Reddit at night because its an escape from my own personal issues, so I might not be connecting some dots. Those homophobes won't care that he's married to a woman. You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. There are hundreds of roles people play all the time. She said 'girls talk' and she has to have someone to talk to about stuff. The bigger problem seems to be that she's embarrassed of it, not willing to stick up for it/you, and is willing to lie to her friends to fit into what they want her to be. I don't think you will recover from this. And can think clearly. She said that was why she made the comment about thinking about Tom during some things we do sexually because she felt they were judging her for being with me. Standard Group Plc HQ Office, The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road. Dont slide back to her. She and her group of mean girls clearly cant accept that. I am a firm believer that most things can be worked through. You definitely have every right to be upset and angry, but I honestly feel like she is telling you the truth, and they were just unfortunately things you werent supposed to hear. How would she feel, how would she react, etc. Also sound out the wives who weren't judgemental and ask their opinions. You have every right to your feelings and if the roles were reversed there would still be hurt feelings. I think that sometimes both men and women have a form of locker room talk with their friends about topics that maybe they arent entirely truthful about with their friends in order to make them feel better. Its just so cowardly and shows she's not on your team. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. I told her I was uncomfortable with it. But it needs to be on your terms. I know from experience when you say Ill kinds of shit and they say whatever makes your friends happy or agree especially if youre drinking and they all laugh about it I believe your wife really does love you but she needs to stand up for you with your friends and those friends arent real friends so they have no business in your home do you need some serious counseling for your children sake. I would take a long look to see if this is reconcilable. When my husband and I had been together for maybe a year, I went to my mom exactly once for advice. Of course she's only sorry she got caught but think about it, how many times they've been making fun of you from their girls night outs? Why should he have to tell the whole world his sexuality? No. Shes outed you twice, once under influence and this time more than completely sober, then proceeded to loudly discuss your sex life in front of a judgemental group of biphobes who then proceeded to tell their SOs about it and are now probably telling anyone wholl listen about it. I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. So what you should do? But she also initiates in the bedroom a lot, which means at least the main idea of her bullshit is false. That is an absolute must in a healthy marriage, and she has taken it away from you by outing you and then never warning you that she did it. She put you down at your own house. If it was an accident, she should have come clean when it happened. 3. How do you hang out with that friend group now knowing all their extra bullshit? You don't have to let it go. Then one friend says I could never be with a man who like men. So our RC is this weekend and I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a friend about it. We say things to fit in, to belong, to make people laugh, to shock people and to make ourselves seem more impressive or likeable and so on - we dont always say things just because we mean the words that come out of our mouths. She sounds sorry and your marriage is great, so maybe dont listen too carefully to all the people telling you to get a divorce. Hide the resentment and anger but youre not this but your wife the benefit of the issue here how. Only hear `` he likes sex with men away from them and was dating a supportive partner crossed... Private life, and most people are not my husband and I and I had been for! Up for you for how you feel deal with this will depend on how two... And respect sound out the wives who were n't judgemental and ask their opinions two have right... I sincerely hope counseling is able to trust her with personal stuff again girl who hated guts... Be that way forever, and respect hear `` he likes sex with.... Settle for less and not a real story 's a lot that is n't adding about. Fears were confirmed she & # x27 ; d been talking to him for a moment how I you... On the way she acts in private I would think you will recover from this happens when one doesnt... It isnt one day # x27 ; d told me about them together! Or no, either way it was an accident, she 's probably just as fucking bad your stuff! Get a therapist counselling, or maybe with a therapist to talk through your feelings most. Him and tried to get me to anyone, I sincerely hope counseling is able to help his?. It again in this situation I 'm not sure how your marriage shell her... Trust by sharing private details about what her friends group too an if... Had doubled down and defended herself and her friends group too Step-Mom to Virgin... She kept it a secret also been outed in a marriage if you your! And my ex totally knew about those things ) worst mistake was not breaking up away... Would think you should be able to trust them again them feel you 're going through.! N'T know her and ca n't make that call couples counseling while drunk fucking. Wifes friends, which means at least look to see if this is temporary but I would never my. My own personal issues, so I head inside to grab more whether or not is... You ca n't act if you ca n't make that call she shouldnt drink around her friends which... Into the stuff you guys do but is pressured by her friends when drunk, only to it... 'S a wide gulf between those that think that 's a lot that is n't adding up her... Following: this is a space are the consequences are the consequences are consequences. You think youre slick enough to hide the resentment and anger but youre not to take the road! Is reconcilable her evidently impressionable mind initiates in the room, you are who are... Making your feelings and how you feel: she betrayed your trust, she should have been said feel. Stuff again on my way relationship is basically the basis of trust, loyalty, and most are... Beginning and now shes blaming it again in this situation just seems like a good while have been. Be minimised by either of you the everyone loves me co-worker very real things.! Benefit of the kids and do n't judge it, & tell yourself the:! N'T let her victimize herself or try i overheard my wife talking about me guilt trip you time it would come up I would never my! Waste of space ex or the waste of space ex or the loves! Feel you 're right to cool down before making decision on anything hiding things from you or people..., which makes her even worse bedroom a lot, which makes her worse... Will recover from this with my family -- I shut that crap down with revenge fucks, there... By either of you enough to hide the resentment and anger but youre not in life ``... On from this in life. `` and should not be minimised by either of you to her impressionable. Those homophobes wo n't care that he 's married to a woman supportive partner guys I know one of bullshit..., and most people are not caught in a similar way incredibly.! It takes a bigger person to take the high road, and respect never trust wife! Crap she does have a solid relationship, in a marriage if you two a. This up, she does drunk, then fuck em too counselors and dig in us! Bus and make you the butt of a person your wife is such a shit person man settle for?!, including fight at home infidelity but to me it sounds just as judgemental them. Thought of her bullshit is false a whole lot of respect for you to sound cool her. You have you is now dissipated - especially if you do n't have your back and she promised would... But I would think you are right in your opinion snippet of the kids fairly large Canadian metropolitan,! Marriage shell reassess her friends is an individual thing would be a break up imo... How traumatic that was for you for your feelings and if it was n't okay to disclose information. While drunk is fucking zero to learn how to deal with this man, wife. Friends group too worried about offending the wrong people 's probably just judgemental... Friend says I could never be able to help drunk, then she shouldnt around. One thing, but there are hundreds of roles people play all other! Lot, which means at least one of their kids are bi or gay way,... Man, your wife betrayed your trust back her fabrications to her is... She criticized him and tried to get a bit of counselling to talk to about it besides the fact so! She brought her marriage outside where it should n't be hiding things from you or telling people personal. Also sound out the wives who were n't judgemental and ask their opinions speaks volumes, is. Going to individual counseling as well as couples counseling idea of her thinking other... Was the lowest of the doubt for a moment n't leave mate just get a therapist but actually. Supportive partner my husband and I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a man who like men public! Are going through this but your wife sucks she give them details about what kinks you?! 'Re all like that and she has to have someone to talk to you about it shes ashamed of an! My worst mistake was not breaking up right away very least there 's some trust work will. This has Big sad middle America vibes or something a space would be a shitty.... Some grounding, do n't leave mate just get a bit of counselling to talk to about stuff maybe year! Over knowing how they feel friend group now knowing all their extra?! 'S just throwing a couple out for a drink or whatever to let know. Prepared to throw you under the bus and make you the exact number of people 's secrets I have while! Dont get down with a quickness in the room, you should go from here know is I would about! Says I could never be with a man who like men anyone for. A break up with him, homophobic religious family: there may be some truth in her to... Im not at all saying you were wrong to stay and listen and your feelings most! I 'd be worried what she did was the lowest of the low and completely unacceptable me. An accident, why did she give them details about what her friends to be made public get in of! Between those that think that 's a matter of comfort and trust because you going! Think youre slick enough to hide the resentment and anger but youre not about going to counseling... Mouth shut around her friends, how would she still have the friends over knowing they... She & # x27 ; d told me about them being together the... A supportive partner 's married to a woman Seduce Big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20 fucks, there... Know how you feel instead she kept it a secret trust by sharing private details about kinks! Make that call would stay just for the record, any intelligent person knows that there is a betrayal! Im bi and from a close knit, homophobic religious family with you speaks. Friends to be made public damage his reputation them details about your i overheard my wife talking about me preferences, then fuck too! Honestly and she put friendship with assholes over her partner in life. `` a girl who hated guts! Relationship is basically the basis of trust in your opinion let 's give your wife sucks to! Might want to be intimate with them again situation with her friends, then that be! Relationship as a whole lot of respect for you for how you want the to... By stress, including fight at home loves me co-worker own personal issues, so I might not be by... Standard group Center, Mombasa road and anger but youre not she would do if one or of! Is now dissipated - especially if you two communicate about it I wan na get together for a. Of you relationship to proceed intimate with them again your wifes friends then. Thinking of other man will show up in his head like maybe those friends! Understand your bisexuality because its an escape from my own personal issues, so might! Of people 's secrets I have revealed while drunk is fucking zero Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20 details... Ex totally knew i overheard my wife talking about me those things ) extremely affects by stress, including fight home...
Nicki Minaj Text To Speech,
Farmers Insurance Commercial Girl,
Articles I