You avoid the subject of drinking, even with your own parents. We subjected each relation to this test- was it selfish or not? Have you a sufficient substitute?. Next morning I telephoned a friend in Montreal. Alcoholics Anonymous, also known as the "Big Book," presents the A.A. program for recovery from alcoholism. I've been around AA for 18,years yet sober 4 but months and have heard of many suggestions however reading the first 164 pages of the big book has caused me to be curious, by no means am i disagreeing with this afterall the big book is the bible of AA therefore i have no problem at all, anyway can you please tell me how this came about because i know for a fact . A new world came into view. This is all to the good. He inherited a lucrative automobile agency. These members words are not necessarily in conjunction with the instruction pages. Why, he argued, should he lose the remainder of his business, only to bring still more suffering to his family by foolishly admitting his plight to people from whom he made his livelihood? Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasnt done so yet. This is a point we wish to emphasize and re- emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. We often need it to carry green recruits through a severe hangover Some of us still serve it to our friends provided they are not alcoholic. You will want to know more of how to proceed from that point. Though you may be able to stop for a considerable period, you may yet be a potential alcoholic. We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out the past if we can. God had restored his sanity. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job-wife or no wife-we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. And we, who have imposed on the best of employers, can scarcely blame them if they have been short with us. Another time, as I opened a letter which lay on my desk, a newspaper clipping fell out. Death was often near. Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book First 164. We came to live almost alone. As animals on a treadmill, we have patiently and wearily climbed, falling back in exhaustion after each futile effort to reach solid ground. These are some of the questions which race through the mind of every woman who has an alcoholic husband. Every attempt failed. Over and over, when I was new, peopleincluding mewere repeatedly told to read the Big Book. We were also told that this meant: The Doctors Opinion and the first 164 pages (This was the number of pages that preceded the Personal Stories in the Book). I was through forever. We believe that managers of large enterprises often have little idea how prevalent this problem is. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Next day we would ask ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could have happened. Of those who keep on, a good number will become true alcoholics after a while. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Some time passed, and confidence began to be replaced by cock-sureness. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking careers most of us could have stopped drinking. Wait until repeated stumbling convinces him he must act, for the more you hurry him the longer his recovery may be delayed. I told her to say that I was not interested. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Impressed by those who visited him at the hospital, he capitulated entirely when, later, in an upper room of this house, he heard the story of some man whose experience closely tallied with his own. But insist that if he is severely afflicted, there may be little chance he can recover by himself. To all appearance he is a stable, well balanced individual. One night, when confined in a hospital, he was approached by an alcoholic who had known a spiritual experience. We dont worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could. But try and get them to see it! We are aware that these matters are, from their very nature, controversial. So many want to stop but cannot. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed. He and his family can be a bright spot in such congregations. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be. He fools himself. Now these are about to be cast out. Each is interested in having his or her wishes respected. Your man should be on his mettle to make good. This should be an entirely personal affair which each one decides for himself in the light of past associations, or his present choice. My friend promised when these things were done I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator; that I would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems. Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. I guess the old folks were right after all. So one more was added to the Fellowship. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful. Even when he wanted to assert himself he could not, for his drinking placed him constantly in the wrong. Why does he? He has read this volume and says he is prepared to go through with the Twelve Steps of the program of recovery. He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. Finally he shook his head saying, Something has happened to you I dont understand. You may have an earlier or different edition. Every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved when he finds we are not witch burners. I was to right all such matters to the utmost of my ability. Perhaps he has had delirium tremens. Sometimes he is a source of embarrassment to you and his friends. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom. MOST OF us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. Mother made all the plans and gave the directions. With this kind of employee such an attitude will command undying loyalty. Among us are wives, relatives and friends whose problem has been solved, as well as some who have not yet found a happy solution. Resentment is the number one offender. Normal drinkers are not so affected, nor can they understand the aberrations of the alcoholic. Small wonder many in the medical profession have a low opinion of alcoholics and their chance for recovery! Sometimes there were screaming delirium and insanity. This makes for discord and unhappiness. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesnt deserve it. The others must be convinced of his new status beyond the shadow of a doubt. I had been out of town before during this particular dry spell, so there was nothing new about that. His friends have slipped away, his home is a near-wreck and he cannot hold a position. piggly wiggly seafood sale 2021; celestron nexstar 127 slt astrophotography; . He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. Some of you are thinking: Yes, what you tell us is true, but it doesnt fully apply. This is not an overnight matter. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house. Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? Alcohol is so sexually stimulating to some men that they have over-indulged. It takes some of us a long time to outgrow that serious handicap. I woke up. It quiets the imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache. He was there three months. Occasionally, they will offer assistance. The focus is the Big Book; Muckers use no other text. Barriers which have sprung up between you and your friends will disappear with the growth of sympathetic understanding. Part 2: Chris Raymer, AA Big Book, CA speaker, talk about carrying the message to the addict that still suffers Hear renowned addiction speaker, Mark Houston from Texas, a recovered alcoholic/addict, speak on 12 step spirituality living in the spirit. But the wise family will admire him for what he is trying to be, rather than for what he is trying to get. Jerry needed to know so he started upon a project to identify the changes that were made to various printings and editions of the Big Book. Many alcoholics are enthusiasts. Big Book, page 164. Nearly every modern employer feels a moral responsibility for the well-being of his help, and he tries to meet these responsibilities. Members of a family should watch such matters carefully, for one careless, inconsiderate remark has been known to raise the very devil. We have tried to hold the love of our children for their father. Why? Thus we grow. Our actor is self-centered-ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. He may rebel at the thought of a drastic housecleaning which requires discussion with other people. I had warned him several times that he had but one more chance. It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents- anyone can increase the list. Being intrigued, however, he invited our friend to his home. WE, OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill. Here was love, applause, war; moments sublime with intervals hilarious. You may make some interesting discoveries. That was not easy. Club Savoy Events, Let us make haste to reassure you. Should I kill myself? Besides a seeming inability to accept much on faith, we often found ourselves handicapped by obstinacy, sensitiveness, and unreasoning prejudice. After a while, turn the talk to some phase of drinking. Thus was our friends cornerstone fixed in place. The doctor proved to be able and exceedingly anxious to adopt any workable method of handling the situation. Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. We are men and women in recovery who depend on the program described in the basic text (the first 164 pages) of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I won't quote it, but look at the subtitle on the title page in the big book. They should be thankful he is sober and able to be of this world once more. If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing. I saw that my friend was much more than inwardly reorganized. It may be one of our own family, but we cannot disclose anything to our wives or our parents which will hurt them and make them unhappy. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight. As a class, alcoholics are energetic people. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. Their defects may be glaring, but the chances are that our own actions are partly responsible. My downfall cost the business community unknown thousands of dollars, for it takes real money to train a man for an executive position. Title: Big Book - Title Page - (pp. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. We cannot answer the riddle. He may be anything but that. This Power has in each case accomplished the miraculous, the humanly impossible. To be helpful is our only aim. If their old relationship is to be resumed it must be on a better basis, since the former did not work. He looked straight at me. After doing that, he must decide for himself whether he wants to go on. If this presents difficulty, re-reading chapters two and three, where the alcoholic sickness is discussed at length might be worth while. What are the first 164 pages of alcoholics? Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Nearly all have recovered. The Big Book App contains the first 164 pages and Doctor Bobs story. The first 164 pages of the Big Book is the outline for recovery, which constitute the "program" of recovery. Their cost of production is figured to a fine decimal point. It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. But you may talk to him about the hopelessness of alcoholism because you offer a solution. Not long afterward he had called me from Hartford on two successive days, so drunk he could hardly speak. Since the first edition appeared, in 1939, it has helped millions of men and women recover from alcoholism. Everybody knows that those in bad health, and those who seldom play, do not laugh much. He is undoubtedly on the road to recovery. But the difficulty is that few alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is yet time. He should not be pushed or prodded by you, his wife, or his friends. We realize that some people are as fanatical about sex as others are loose. The First A.A. Pamphlet 8; Big Book 18; A.A. Prayers 10; Big Book Stories Edition 1 29; Big Book Stories Edition 2 40; The Big Book Concordance 27; The Original Manuscript Of AA. First of all, we had to quit playing God. Someone had pushed a drink my way, and I had taken it. You fellows are somebody. When your prospect has made such reparation as he can to his family, and has thoroughly explained to them the new principles by which he is living, he should proceed to put those principles into action at home. The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, It wont burn me this time, so heres how! Or perhaps he doesnt think at all. Imagine life without faith! We never gave the spiritual side of life a fair hearing. Still another difficulty is that you may become jealous of the attention he bestows on other people, especially alcoholics. 12-a. All men of faith have courage. If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the wastepipe. Though an alcoholic does not respond, there is no reason why you should neglect his family. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. He has not had a drink since. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Without embracing the literature, success in AA is difficult. If you propose such a procedure to him, it may be necessary to advance the cost of treatment, but we believe it should be made plain that any expense will later be deducted from his pay. The chances are that we have domestic troubles. I had never been able to understand people who said that a problem had them hopelessly defeated. But this is not an end in itself. We landed in England. They grew in numbers. Though not a religious person, I have profound respect for the spiritual approach in such cases as yours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave. If he is sincerely interested and wants to see you again, ask him to read this book in the interval. He was ambitious to succeed in business, but saw that he would get nowhere if he drank at all. The 164 and More Book, eBook, and Web Site are all CONCORDANCES which display passages from the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous, the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, and the A.A. Grapevine (A.A. Preamble only). We alcoholics are undisciplined. We found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? He listened in wonder as I talked. My brother-in-law is a physician, and through his kindness and that of my mother I was placed in a nationally-known hospital for the mental and physical rehabilitation of alcoholics. Had this not been so, many of us would have no homes today, would perhaps be dead. We have been terror stricken. You, as well as your husband, ought to think of what you can put into life instead of how much you can take out. Just be careful not to disagree in a resentful or critical spirit. With this attitude you cannot fail. Where were we to blame? Many of us have been so touchy that even casual reference to spiritual things made us bristle with antagonism. If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. Amen. We have then completed Step Seven. What usually happens? When drinking, they were strangers. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. Though old buildings will eventually be replaced by finer ones, the new structures will take years to complete. One of the many doctors who had the opportunity of reading this book in manuscript form told us that the use of sweets was often helpful, of course depending upon a doctors advice. You will be most successful with alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform. Alcoholism may be causing your organization considerable damage in its waste of time, men and reputation. With it you can avert death and misery for them. He decided to cosplay after watching Captain America: The First Avenger, and instead . In 1929 I contracted golf fever. Perhaps you enjoy drinking with him yourself when he doesnt go too far. Why lay ourselves open to being branded fanatics or religious bores? These things will come to pass naturally and in good time provided, however, the alcoholic continues to demonstrate that he can be sober, considerate, and helpful, regardless of what anyone says or does. If possible express a lack of hard feeling toward him. Hes just beaten up a couple of nurses. At one of the finals I was too drunk to think or write. Our behavior is as absurd and incomprehensible with respect to the first drink as that of an individual with a passion, say, for jay-walking. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isnt. If he gets the idea that you are a nag or killjoy, your chance of accomplishing anything useful may be zero. But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. The alcoholic may find it hard to re-establish friendly relations with his children. For a while they would be their old sweet selves, only to dash the new structure of affection to pieces once more. What is his basic trouble? He had to painfully admit that and mend his spiritual fences. He consented, however, to go to the hospital, where he occupied the very room recently vacated by the lawyer. He has helped other men recover, and is a power in the church from which he was long absent. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Sometimes you will have to call a doctor and administer sedatives under his direction. Without knowing it, had we not been brought to where we stood by a certain kind of faith? In the last analysis it is only there that He can be found. Another time you may have to send for the police or an ambulance. It stirs his imagination. Another feeling we are very likely to entertain is one of resentment that love and loyalty could not cure our husbands of alcoholism. Lets talk about it later. If your husband is trying to live on a spiritual basis, he will also be doing everything in his power to avoid disagreement or contention. WHOSE BOOK IS THIS? They suspect father is a bit balmy! Try it more than once. Do not set your heart on reforming your husband. He clings to the notion that he will yet find a way to do so. You can select the following fonts: Arial, Calibri, Comic sans MS, Courier New, Times New Roman and Verdana. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. We have seldom told them the whole truth nor have we followed their advice. Available in black or burgundy leather. We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge. Common sense would thus become uncommon sense. Never forget that resentment is a deadly hazard to an alcoholic. Had he been successful in his enterprise, he would have been set on his feet financially which, at the time, seemed vitally important. Suppose now that through you several families have adopted this way of life. High and low, rich and poor, these are future fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. Common words are needed to keep the book to a reasonable size and an affordable cost. My judgment and ideas were followed by many to the tune of paper millions. Some men cannot or will not get over alcoholism. After all, your family is reunited, alcohol is no longer a problem and you and your husband are working together toward an undreamed-of future. Roberta Mccain Net Worth Forbes, We have no monopoly on God; we merely have an approach that worked with us. Second Edition of the Big Book. It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. But be careful not to be resentful about the last time he did so. Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. He did, and also sent a small amount of money. I dont see how you can be of any help to us for, as you see, we dont have any alcoholic problem. This same company spends millions for research every year. The Anonymous Press PO Box 1212 Malo The AA Big Book is over 400 pages long and contains numerous chapters, some of which are geared toward specific audiences and others which are more general. We suggested he write his first wife admitting his faults and asking forgiveness. Rightly and naturally, we think well before we choose the person or persons with whom to take this intimate and confidential step. This seemed to me like an opportunity to be helpful, so I spent two hours talking about alcoholism, the malady, and described the symptoms and results as well as I could. He was on a different footing. Without much ado, he accepted the principles and procedure that had helped us. They in turn might work with others. The purpose of the Big Book is to show precisely how numerous alcoholics have recovered. Father knows he is to blame; it may take him many seasons of hard work to be restored financially, but he shouldnt be reproached. The seed has been planted in his mind. Still another experience: A womans voice came faintly over long distance from Virginia. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. Sometimes there were other women. When your man is better, the doctor might suggest a visit from you. I ordered a cocktail and my meal. But does he? It is seldom wise to approach an individual, who still smarts from our injustice to him, and announce that we have gone religious. We want to analyze mistakes we have made. Far from it. This picture may not be as dark as it looks. One man and his wife placed their large home at the disposal of this strangely assorted crowd. Unfortunately a lot of prejudice exists. I began to be jittery in the morning. But cheer up, something like half of us thought we were atheists or agnostics. The First 164 pages of The Big Book with lined pages opposite text for note taking. There was something about his eyes. Both of you will awaken to a new sense of responsibility for others. A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry wont fill the bill at all. If we havent the will to do this, we ask until it comes. One day we were told that he was back in the hospital. There is the obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. 69 SEX - In meditation, we ask God what we do about each specific matter. He said, Why dont you choose your own conception of God?. Therefore, you probably need fresh interests and a great cause to live for as much as your husband. Inerrant means without error, and it is a concept religious scholars have tried to apply to the Christian bible, without success. Both saw that they must keep spiritually active. Being wrecked in the same vessel, being restored and united under one God, with hearts and minds attuned to the welfare of others, the things which matter so much to some people no longer signify much to them. The family may be possessed by the idea that future happiness can be based only upon forgetfulness of the past. Massage Envy Membership Cancellation, I was at one time assistant manager of a corporation department employing sixty-six hundred men. These family talks will be constructive if they can be carried on without heated argument, self-pity, self-justification or resentful criticism. Couples are occasionally dismayed to find that when drinking is stopped the man tends to be impotent. But Im sure this man is done drinking. Better men than we are using it constantly. For the type of alcoholic who is able and willing to get well, little charity, in the ordinary sense of the word, is needed or wanted. To illustrate: The prosaic steel girder is a mass of electrons whirling around each other at incredible speed. He tells you he has decided to stop jay- walking for good, but in a few weeks he breaks both legs. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. In one form or another we had been living by faith and little else. It is not to be expected that an alcoholic employee will receive a disproportionate amount of time and attention. Then they outlined the spiritual answer and program of action which a hundred of them had followed successfully. Im ready to do business. The bill collectors, the sheriffs, the angry taxi drivers, the policemen, the bums, the pals, and even the ladies they sometimes brought home-our husbands thought we were so inhospitable. No-not now. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women, desperately in need, will see these pages, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that they will be persuaded to say, Yes, I am one of them too; I must have this thing.. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. Commentary: It's difficult to articulate my feelings about the original Chapter 4. Who had known a spiritual experience you I dont understand you may yet be a potential alcoholic his placed! 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